well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
