I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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