dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
