its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
