So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
