she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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