Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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