She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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