I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
