I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
