Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
