So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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