I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
