mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
