If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
