How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
