I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
