If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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