I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
