Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
