1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
