you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
