tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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