Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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