He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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