why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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