Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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