you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
