I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
