youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
