No stitches, just platelets and will power
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
