Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
