I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
