you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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