I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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