are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize