Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
