i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
