is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
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I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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