I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
