Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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