Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
