i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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