I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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