Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
