I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
