$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
