its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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