he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
