i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
