If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
