Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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