i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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