I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
