I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We got so high we made milksteak
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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