i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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