it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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