The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
