she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
