my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
